


Looking Forward

by baeconandeggs, llubia14



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Drama, M/M, Mpreg, Pregnant Sex, exo ex-members, mention of violents acts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-20
Updated: 2018-05-20
Packaged: 2019-05-09 13:44:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 15,572
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14717184
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/baeconandeggs/pseuds/baeconandeggs, https://archiveofourown.org/users/llubia14/pseuds/llubia14
Summary: Baekhyun is pregnant and going to college. Things aren’t all flowery when he meets Chanyeol, a positive guy.





	Looking Forward

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Kumo くも (kumo_is_kumo)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/kumo_is_kumo/gifts).



> **Recipient:** kumo_is_kumo  
>  **Disclaimer: baeconandeggs/the mods is/are not the author/s of this story. Authors will be credited and tagged after reveals.** The celebrities' names/images are merely borrowed and do not represent who the celebrities are in real life. No offense is intended towards them, their families or friends. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No money is being made from this fictional work. No copyright infringement is intended.
> 
>  **Author's Note:** (edited) I was granted the chance to rework on that story as many commented it felt unfinished. I hope this time its end is more satisfying. This one really, is not an open ending! :) Still stand, that I’m happy to have finished the story! Thank you the BAEexchange for accommodating me until the end of this fest! And for my exchange participant, I hope you’ll enjoy this read (I managed to add the things missing from the prompt) and also, everyone else who give it a chance! :)
> 
> (original)  
> I’m happy to have finished the story and I want to thank the BAEexchange for the opportunity and their work! To my exchange participant, you gave me good prompts to follow :). I hope the one I chose, will please you. In the end, there was many things I couldn’t include, because of my time management, but I want to say the end isn’t an open ending, haha :). I wanted to add more romance and then smut, so I’m sorry I couldn’t. I hope to hear from you, and it was a pleasure to write for you!

What he could see from the outdoors was the view of a window on the 4th floor of a building. There was the sky sharing its space with far away skyscrapers and modest apartment blocks. And if he squinted his eyes, he could make out the mountains in the shadows of clouds. Sometimes, he would imagine, he could see himself on that mountain, between the trees, trying to ascend to the top.

 

That was really the past now, as he was making his boxes to move out turning a blind eye to the window, to his figure working hard to climb the mountain. 

 

He did not completely abandon his goal of becoming a successful journalist. But maybe covering war situations and disasters overseas were out of the picture for many years. He had made his mind up after all. He’d have this child and he would brought them up right. It was too dangerous to plan to travel with a young child and he was alone in this.

 

He put down the tape and sat on the box he was working on. That had to be his fifth or sixth one. He hadn’t thought he had this much stuff. It was hard to choose what to take and what to give away. 

 

Around him the walls of his room were a naked white, even the nails had been removed, pictures from his friends and medals of past wins. What was on his desk was the hardest to sort, too much papers he had to look through, or what pens were still working, and why he had birthdays card from his ten years old birthday when he was nineteen now. Everything seemed to gain or recall memories. He was tired most of all, he didn’t want to do this truthfully, moving to a room in the basement of a house, sharing bathroom and kitchen with up to five tenants. A sigh escaped his lips, and he frowned at how discouraged he felt.

 

’’Baekhyun!’’

 

He took back the tape and stood up, tearing its end, the noise of the cut enough to drown his name being called a second time. But he couldn’t escaped the third time, as his mother was now at his door frame.

 

’’Baekhyun! Answer when I call your name!’’ Her face was like an old apple, fine wrinkles lining it to sink each year passing. ’’Did you take your medicine? The doctor said male omegas have more risks of miscarriage.’’

 

He turned to look at her properly, their eyes met and for a long moment, he considered running into her arms to shield himself from the world. But he didn’t.

 

’’Do you really want that child?’’ She asked, adamant on that question. ’’Really, want that child?’’ She asked him every day and that’s why he had stopped running into her arms, why he couldn’t find comfort in her embrace. She frowned, her eyes glassy. ’’What did you do Baekhyun? What has become of my baby?’’

 

He forced himself to stay impassive, but lowered his head, guilt and anger brewing inside him. He wished his mother, parents, were more understanding of his situation. He wished he could lean on them and they would support his decision to keep the child and to study. He wasn’t the first one to have an unprepared pregnancy. He knew other parents would have let him stay with them, would help him with the baby when he was at school. It was too late to consider abortion, he was afraid of thinking of it. He had worked hard enough for his inscription to school, he was going, whatever it took. 

 

’’I’m busy doing my boxes. Go away,’’ he replied her, tone clipped. 

 

’’Baekhyun please, rethink of it,’’ she begged him.

 

He flattened the tape on the box, and stood without looking at her, going to the next box. ’’I’m done thinking about it. I don’t want to abort it.’’

 

’’Why?!’’ she immediately cried. 

 

Baekhyun bit his lips and kept mum. 

 

’’Why!? Think of your situation Baekhyun, you have no mate to help you! You’re a child yourself! Please come to sanity!’’

 

He felt tears build up around his eyes and his nose prickling. A tear escaped Baekhyun’s eye and he quickly swiped it. ’’It’s too late!’’ He punched the box as he talked. ’’It’s too fucking late to abort, okay! I don’t want to. I’m afraid of it! Don’t you understand, mom!?’’

 

His mother balled her fists, fuming at his door. She left with heavy steps the entry door banging close. 

 

Baekhyun fell on the box, upper body slumped over it. He heaved, head in the crook of his arm. It was too late, he kept chanting to himself. He was a little over three months, it was his mistake and now he was paying for it. And however wrong it was of him to think of his pregnancy like this, it didn’t stop him and fiercely. But, it didn’t mean he couldn’t study. He wasn’t the first one and he wasn’t the last one it happened to, he could live with it. It was his trial.

 

*

 

Mr. Lee left him before his door, the empty room welcoming him. Baekhyun had to make this room his own. First, he put up a poster of the world’s map, and then of the Seine and of the Sarahsa, places he was dreaming of going to. He smiled up at the pictures, saying a few words to encourage him to continue. 

 

By 3 o’clock he had finished to open his boxes and lay out the principal of his stuff. Clothes on the hangers and his shoes aligned against the wall near the door. Took out his medals and the photos, plugged his laptop and opened a page on a news site. But quickly he shut it, and lay on his bed, hands covering his face. Maybe he had thought it wouldn’t be this easy to move and quit his parent’s place, anyway more than a car trip with several boxes in the back to a place a thirty minutes away, and more than a murmured goodbye before he closed the door of his mother’s car. His hand moved to his belly, slowly passing over the slight bump. Slowly curling into his side, Baekhyun cried. 

 

He had fell asleep, the sky dark when he woke up. Slightly disoriented, he wondered where he was. What it smelled. The event of the day came back to him and wanted badly to return to sleep. But his belly growled and Baekhyun resigned himself, he had to eat.

 

With a certain apprehension, he cautiously opened the door, and looked at the deserted hallway. On his tiptoes he went out of his room and quickly hop to the kitchen. Lights were filtering from the bottom of the door, voices were heard too. Baekhyun considered what to do, feeling shy and uninvited. Well, he thought as he twisted the door handle, it’s better to break the ice early.

 

*

 

Two persons were already in the kitchen. One with such perfectly placed hair, it was eerie, and the second with a cap shoved down and brown hair spurting from underneath. They turned to look at Baekhyun, who froze on the spot. He initiated a smile and a slight head bow for salute. His heart was pumping in his chest, uncomfortable he finally talked, presenting himself.

 

The guy with the cap lowered his head, but Baekhyun saw him sniff the air. 

 

’’Hey,’’ the other guy, a beta, replied, putting his hand on the shoulder of the brooding one, ’’I’m Junmyeon. This is Jongin.’’ He smiled. “Hope you’ll like it here, it’s pretty tranquil and comfortable.’’

 

Baekhyun returned the smile wanting to believe these words. Junmyeon seemed kind and well-mannered, as for Jongin, he had a weird feel. He nodded and left them to their conversation. He reached to open the fridge, but stop short on realizing he had no food of his own inside it. Red came to his cheeks, Baekhyun putting his hands on them, feeling the warmth they had gained. Straightening up, he made a show of opening the door, look through the fridge and close it. It was time to retreat. Not being able to stop it, he threw a nervous look at his roommates. They weren’t looking at him, ouf…but anyway why would they be looking at him? He hadn’t done anything wrong. It was just his own anxiety creeping up. 

 

Nearly out of the kitchen, he turned to say goodbye, awkwardly nodding and already turning his back.

 

’’Huh, would you like someone to accompany you to the grocery?’’

 

Baekhyun looked back, surprise written on his face. It was Jongin who had talked, and he had raised his head. His heavy lidded eyes were piercing him, and the frown he was sporting was intimidating. There was something nonchalant in his expression, or was it a mask to hide his concern? Baekhyun’s stomach chose this moment to recall him his hunger. The red came back on his cheeks. How did Jongin know he wanted to go to the grocery, wasn’t it too random of a question even in a kitchen?

 

’’No it’s alright, I saw it earlier when I came here,” Baekhyun answered him.

 

Jongin pursed his lips, head leaning toward Junmyeon, their eyes meeting briefly. Junmyeon hands stroked his pants legs and he clicked his tongue. Jongin rolled his eyes, before looking back to Baekhyun.

 

’’I mean, I know it may not be my business, but you’re pregnant right?’’

 

Baekhyun took a step back. That was too forward. He hadn’t thought at all about hiding it or telling it to his roommates. Really there was details he hadn’t care about. ’’I don’t see why you asked me that question earlier, and this one too. It’s not related.’’

 

Jongin’s expression seemed to disagree. ’’I smell it. Omega, pregnant. And then, hunger and embarrassment and now― fear.’’ He replaced his cap on his head, pushing it down to secure it. ’’Don’t know, we― I can help as an alpha to lessen your...I should help you.’’

 

Baekhyun stared at him, confused. This speech didn’t make much sense, apart that Jongin, stranger slash new roommate felt obligated to help him as he was pregnant. It wasn’t bad to offer his help, but Baekhyun hadn’t asked for it, and the alpha had took the wrong way to know he could need some.

 

’’I’m just gonna ignore how you read out of me like it was a correct thing to do, and go my own way,’’ Baekhyun replied, annoyed. Had no one told this alpha, it was rude to read out of someone’s else by their smell? Alphas were very sharp to read body language and interpret energies. Now, sometimes it was like mind reading, and that was invading privacy. 

 

Jongin seemed to realise his mistake and curled up on his chair. He looked worryingly at his friend. But Junmyeon wasn’t showing signs of wanting to meddle in the situation. 

 

Baekhyun went out of the kitchen, his steps brisk. Quickly he reached for his wallet and keys. He powerwalked to the grocery, hands clenching his items. He was angry and sad at the same time. He didn’t know if it was the hunger heightening his emotions, but tears were threatening to fall from his eyes. 

 

Finally, he reflected that he wouldn’t have told his roommates about his pregnancy. He didn’t want them take pity on him because of his supposed weakened state. He wanted to feel the same as other students: young & free. 

 

*

 

The first day of school, the weather was engaging, sky blue and sun shining brightly. Baekhyun had still put on a hoodie to hide his belly bump. He couldn’t be too careful about it. People were curious and suspicious, they could decide to read him if he didn’t present an image of normalcy. 

 

He had been quite anxious days prior to go buy his obligatory books, but considered it an opportunity to explore the campus. It was quite widespread with its own streets and multiple buildings. There was also dormitories for students, but Baekhyun had been too late to book one. 

 

Baekhyun walked along the expanses of grass , free for students to roam. At this time of the year, many little groups had taken place to chat or be idle on the first day of school. As for him, he was quite excited, a low nervosity still there to keep him awake and alert, but this was it. He was here, he would become a journalist, this was the beginning of his journey. 

 

*

 

By the next month, Baekhyun was wary of school literally. He wasn’t used to be alone and had developed anxiety of telling people of his pregnancy. With the first work group he had had, it had went well, no one really cared. But in the next one, someone had asked details about it, and he had felt uncomfortable to share.

He realised he was ashamed of himself. Without a mate and pregnant, and at school. The novelty of being a new student and reaching his goal was wearing off. Now, he was noticing the stares and the frowns from students. He didn’t recall how to make friends and told himself, he had no need for them. He just had to study. He had so much to learn, that was important, he could deal alone.

 

But amidst all his courses, the english class was his worst one. Students were busy on their computers and chatting with each other. It was mostly exercises with talking involved and group activities. Baekhyun didn’t like it, he was always watching his mouth and curling on himself to hide his body. 

 

’’Do you have a stomach ache?’’ Irene asked him. She was a small beta with pale skin and long black hair. She had a kind smile and Baekhyun felt she was sincere in her concern. 

 

’’Oh no, I’m alright,’’ he answered, forcing his arms to lay at his side. He had took the habit to put his arms before his belly. He smiled to convince her, but Irene pouted, raising her eyebrows.

 

’’Don’t worry about him, Irene! He’s a stuck up.’’

 

Baekhyun turned to where came from the voice, finding its owner in an alpha. He was muscled and his hair were gelled up. He had his other friends around him, eyeing them without saying anything. 

 

’’What are you saying?’’ Irene replied, shaking her head in dejection. She looked apologetically to Baekhyun. ’’Don’t listen to him, he’s an attention seeker. So your stomach ache, I have ibuprofen if you want.’’

 

’’Ha-ha so the little guy is on his period!’’ the same alpha, exclaimed himself.

 

’’Jackson!’’ Irene shouted, drawing the attention of more students. Baekhyun pouted, feeling small. Exactly what he had feared to happen to him, and in the class he wanted to stay low profile in. 

 

’’What of it?’’ Jackson replied, smirking, then faking an innocent face. ’’Do you need an ibuprofen, omega?’’ he asked with a mockingly sweet voice. 

 

Irene frowned turning completely to face the other student. The alpha with his friends were in higher seats overlooking them. ’’Stop it, you’re no fun.’’ Irene said, seriously.

 

Jackson only chuckled, finding support in his friends. 

 

Baekhyun couldn’t move, or say anything. He was frozen on his seat. He wanted everyone to focus elsewhere, that Irene stopped caring about his situation.

 

’’Isn’t it that you’re pregnant?’’

 

His heart stopped beating for a second. He slowly turn to see the new voice that arose, it was Amber, a short-haired alpha. She seemed unphased, chewing her gum, while checking her phone. Baekhyun quickly looked around him, the wide eyes of the other students piercing him.

 

’’Oh, I’m wrong?’’ she added, putting her phone down. ’’but I―

 

’’You read it!?’’ Baekhyun suddenly cried, coming out of his muteness. The majority of the class’s attention was on him, he could feel their energy attacking him. Even the teacher was frowning at the front. He was shocked, was he about to be officially out-ed?

 

’’Can I have that Ibuprofen, Irene? You’re all giving me an headache.’’

 

Irene broke out of her surprise and pulled out a tiny bottle from her handbag. ’’Here, Chanyeol. Give me back the rest, okay?’’

 

Baekhyun heard the pills getting shaken, and the sound of liquid being swallowed. Irene settled next to him, eyeing him with worried eyes. Around them the class was going back to normal. Little groups finally doing the activity. 

 

’’I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable,’’ Amber said to him. ’’Sorry, if I did.’’

 

He simply nodded to her, biting his lips. But then, he felt warmth radiating behind him. Alphas had the tendency to emit a lot of body heat Baekhyun had forgotten. He basked in it, vague souvenir of what it was to have an alpha’s body against his coming to surface. A tattooed arm appeared in his vision. 

 

’’Here, your pills Irene.’’ 

 

Chanyeol, right? Baekhyun asked himself. But his train of thought stopped, really taking in the tattoo on the alpha’s arm. It was a black armband, the mark of originals, coming more directly from packs. Was that why, no one had continued to harass him after the alpha intervene, intimidated by his somewhat unknown background? For once Baekhyun’s curiosity was picked. 

 

*

 

Baekhyun hadn’t gone to his classes. It was beginning to get more chilly outdoor. He was staring at his mostly naked wall, trying to think of nothing. Maybe a week ago, he had unpinned his photographies from the walls. Turned on its face portraits of his mother and father, of friends he had forgotten to text, and how sparsely the replies arrived when he remembered. He knew his friends from high school were busy with college. That the last summer, he hadn’t seen them like it was planned because of his pregnancy. How he had started from there to isolate himself and how after his ex left him it became worst.

 

He was feeling nauseous, with no strength in his legs. He was too large for anything in his closet. It had taken him by surprise, the night before. His hoodies were taut on his belly, his shirts were opening at space between buttons, and T-shirts weren’t enough from the start to hide his bump. My, his little bit, was getting hard to keep under wraps. Baekhyun smiled sadly, gaze on his belly. 

 

It was just a month and an half since he had began school and he was already feeling without energy. Managing money was an everyday pain. He sensed, he had decided to become independent unprepared. Yes, he could do grocery and put his stuff in the fridge, but planning meals and time for preparations amidst his study time was difficult. He always fell short on his meals budget. Things going bad, things stolen at times, and then buying from the cafeteria, before fleeing home. 

 

Curiously, even if being on school ground was stressing because of the fear of people judging him, being in his small room was irritating too. It felt like a cage at time. 

 

Because of that, Baekhyun had wandered out of his room to go see about in the kitchen for company. But it was always empty, and the hallway stayed dark without lights at the ceiling. 

 

He sighed, self pity creeping up on him. A tremor escaped his lips, he felt like crying all his troubles away, but he had to stay strong for his future. He had to take care of his savings from part-times jobs, he had to managed well his scholarship money, he had to study well and stay healthy for his little bit. Then he would graduate as a journalist and find a work and live well. Graduating was the first goal. Still he didn’t know if he was to take classes in winter with his pregnancy near its end.

 

Taking his cell in hand, he searched for an app to help him manage his budget, first of all he had to do one.

 

*

 

’’Hey, let me help you.’’

 

Baekhyun jumped, nearly colliding in the lockers, Chanyeol appearing by his side. The alpha was taller than him, bending a bit to be eye to eye. Baekhyun didn’t picked up the offer, staring wide at the alpha.

 

’’I didn’t see you last class. Here, give me your books,’’ Chanyeol insisted.

 

Baekhyun let him take them, his arms feeling like jelly. He liked Chanyeol’s heat licking at his skin, it was comforting. 

 

’’So, how are you?’’

 

Was Chanyeol really asking him that. Honestly, Baekhyun hadn’t felt like going to school this morning, but he couldn’t miss two times the same class in a row. The weekend prior, he had went to a thrift shop and had found some larger clothes for his belly, even one he liked. He had sent a picture of it to Kyungsoo, who still hadn’t replied to him. 

 

’’Fine,’’ he answered. ’’You?’’

 

The alpha smiled at him, brown hair falling over his eyes. ’’Good. I’ve tried to notice you on campus, but wasn’t really successful.’’ He shrugged easily . ’’What’s your program?’’

 

Baekhyun smiled. ’’Journalism, yours?’’

 

Chanyeol nodded enthusiastically, before answering. ’’Political Science, but not aiming for prime minister,’’ he joked.

 

’’Then, what?’’ Baekhyun asked.

 

Chanyeol raised his eyebrows, there was a sparkle in his eyes. ’’Just a political staffer, but later on, representing my people in the political scene, yes.’’

 

’’Your people, you mean your tattoo…’’ Baekhyun trailed off, hand nervously gripping his sweater.

 

’’There’s nothing to be nervous about,’’ the alpha replied.

 

He frowned, looking up to Chanyeol, had he just, ’’read out of me?..’’

 

Chanyeol stopped walking, confusion spread on his face. They were at the door of their english class. ’’Reading is caring,” he exposed.

 

Baekhyun vively opposed. ’’I don’t think so, it’s a breach of intimity. I hate it, when people does it.’’ 

 

Chanyeol hummed, taking his time to answer. ’’I read out of people and situation to adapt myself to it. Reading your energy I can act along how you feel,’’ Chanyeol explained.

 

Baekhyun shook his head, frowning. ’’I still don’t think, it’s right. Not everyone is able to read off like alphas do. And then you’re able to get a idea of how a person feel by its facial expression or body language, no need to go deeper. My emotions are my own,’’ he said pointedly, fixing Chanyeol in the eyes.

 

’’Okay,’’ Chanyeol amended. ’’I’ll take that in account. I won’t read you out in the future.’’ 

 

Baekhyun blinked, taken by surprise, it was a small thing but multiples emotions were mixed in his mind; relief, disbelief, and a certain form of happiness. This was the longest talk he had had with someone apart from talks for school work. And he had proved his point without being rejected. It had been a long time since he had expressed himself. 

 

’’Let’s sit together,’’ Chanyeol proposed, setting Baekhyun’s books on a table in the middle of the class. Soon Irene was rejoining them, sitting quietly beside Baekhyun.

 

*

 

Baekhyun was laying on his bed, on his side, a pillow between his legs. Everyday he was getting heavier. He’d love it for someone to bring him food to his bed and not have to get up. Really now, he couldn’t hide his belly anymore. But he supposed, it wasn’t so bad. He had made friends, if he could call them that. Chanyeol and Irene had stuck by his side. He was glad for them. It was easier to come to school in the mind of having people there who knew you and appreciated you. He didn’t worry anymore about being a loner or anti-social. Two friends were enough to satisfy him, maybe in the past it wouldn’t but now he was another person completely.   

 

He huffed a bit, an hand caressing his belly. It was raining today, from the small window at the top of the wall, Baekhyun could see the droplets wet the grass. It was different from his view of the city from his room at his parents...He hadn’t talked to them since forever. 

He was crying so much these days, the cheerful son his mother loved, had  certainly disappeared.

 

His cellphone on his desk rang. Baekhyun  didn’t move to get it, he knew who was calling, his mother. She called sometimes and he would ignore it. The two times he did answer, it had turned in shouts and tears. However today, he was feeling so bored and lonely he  finally answered. He already knew what was in for him, but at the same time he hoped for something different.

 

’’Baekhyun?’’ He recognized the voice filled with nervousness.

 

’’Mom,’’ he murmured, his voice trembling. 

 

’’Oh my baby…’’ she cooed. ’’How are you? I know, it’s hard for you living alone. It’s difficult, right?’’

 

Baekhyun hummed in the phone, biting his lips to retain a whimper.

 

’’Why don’t you come back home? Hum, baby? It would be so much easier for you.’’

 

’’No, it’s okay,’’ he replied with a thin voice. ’’It’s going better―

 

’’It’s okay?!’’ she suddenly shouted in the receiver. ’’What is going better?! I’m sure you’re huge by now. Come to your sense, you can’t go out like that.’’ She huffed, catching her breath. ’’You know you can live with us, if you give it up.’’

 

Baekhyun hid his mouth, finally letting go of his tears. ’’I’ve made friends. It’s alright,’’ he told her.

 

’’I don’t believe you! You’d lie to keep this thing in your belly. Can’t you give it up? You can’t care for it Baekhyun. With what money, and what support? I didn’t raise you to be like this!’’

 

He stayed silent, curling as he could on himself. He had such a bad mother. She was so mean and inconsiderate. Couldn’t she understand him a bit!? How could she be so sweet a moment, then the devil the next!? 

 

’’You know what?” She continued to say. “The other day I met the mother of the bastard who knocked you up. What was the story again? Losing your virginity after your high school graduation, too stupid and naive to know how to use protection. And then what!? I was the mother of a child who got pregnant unmated. That bitch dared to ask me about you! ‘How is Baekhyun? Is the baby okay?’ “ his mother said, imitating his ex’s mom. “ ‘I’m sorry Kris can’t be there for him. He just got accepted in medicine. He worked so hard to get it~’ That bitch!!’’

 

Baekhyun’s face was a mess. He wasn’t hiding anymore that he was crying. He was hiccupping, trying to find his breath.

 

’’You’re hurting me Baekhyun! Why did we have a son so ungrateful to us!? Once you give birth, give it up for adoption. Let the baby have a good family. And then, you’ll be able to come back home. What about it Baekhyun? We already talked about this. Did you change your mind? I know how it’s difficult for you now. I hate to hear you cry.’’ She paused, sighing bruyantly. ’’Stop crying, and answer me.’’

 

When it came at this point, Baekhyun was tempted to say yes, that he’d give up his baby and would go back home to live like before, normal and loved by his parents. But, he couldn’t do it, now. Graduating was the first step, and then he’d find a job. He’d be okay, he’d love his baby and care for them. 

What more? 

He didn’t ask for her mother to take all the blame of his pregnancy. Baekhyun had had enough of feeling guilty for his mistake. He had hated enough Kris for leaving him, when he had promised to stay and that they would become a family. 

 

He had told himself, he could do it, he could live for his baby in his belly. The future, he had begin to dream of, he didn’t want to give it up. He’d be a better parent for his child than his mom was for him.

 

’’I’m not going back home,’’ Baekhyun told his mom. ’’I’m―

 

His mother hung up.

 

Baekhyun closed his eyes, and screamed against his pillow. He wailed and threw fists at his bed. After a while he had no strength left, but he was so thirsty. The last thing he heard before falling asleep was the click of his door and the voice of an alpha, his roommate? 

 

*

 

’’Should we wake him up? I’m sure he was thirsty before falling asleep.’’ Someone asked.

 

Baekhyun’s mind was foggy. His eyelids were heavy. 

 

’’Maybe the best is to let him sleep…’’ Another voice said.

 

’’He was crying really hard, it was affecting me so bad I was developing a migraine.’’ Jongin! Baekhyun recognized his voice, low and a little restrained. ’’How do you know him?’’

 

’’We have a class in common. And, I’m happy you called.’’ Chanyeol, it was him, his voice low, but loud as well.  ’’He’s waking up.’’ 

 

Baekhyun tried to sit, the room spinning around. ’’Hey, slow down. No rush, Baekhyun,’’ Chanyeol told him, his hand landing on his shoulder. Baekhyun felt himself melting, the heat and weight of Chanyeol’s palm recomforting.

 

’’What are you doing here?’’ Baekhyun asked, turning his head to look at Jongin.

 

’’I heard you, from the wall we share,’’ Jongin answered.

 

Baekhyun felt embarrassment make his cheeks red. But it didn’t explained why the alpha had felt necessary to enter his room. And then the evidence came to him, Jongin had read him, he had just used his senses and came in his room. But for what, helping him?

 

’’I need water,’’ Baekhyun said. Jongin huffed, but took it upon himself to go fetch him a glass of it.

 

Chanyeol was staring at him, frowning slightly. Baekhyun half smiled, and told him to sit down.

 

’’You made him afraid that’s all,’’ Chanyeol said. ’’Jongin is really sensitive to other’s emotions, he read intensively and sometimes it causes him bad headaches. He didn’t know what to do really, you were exhausted, and alone, and pregnant. He saw me in your contacts list and since we know each other he called me.’’

 

Baekhyun blinked, his throat was so scorched. ’’I’m alright.’’

 

’’Yeah, I see that,’’ Chanyeol said, chuckling. ’’Do you wanna go out? Take some fresh air?’’

 

Baekhyun shrugged. Jongin came back from the kitchen and gave him the water. Baekhyun chugged it down, and then told Jongin he wanted some more, smiling when he asked for the refill.

 

’’I don’t want to interfere with your plans, no need to worry for me,’’ Baekhyun answered Chanyeol. 

 

’’It’ll be fun,’’ Chanyeol hyped up. ’’I’m heading home. It’s a good thirty minutes from the city. ’’ He smiled. ’’I’ll show you my village, and you could meet my sister. She’s pregnant too.’’

 

Baekhyun stared at him with wide eyes. That last information did interest him. ’’How far is she?’’ he asked.

 

’’In the eight month.’’

 

’’She’s nearly done!’’ Baekhyun exclaimed. He flushed, suddenly shy. ’’then…I’d like to meet her.’’

 

Chanyeol stood up, beaming literally. ’’Alright, let’s go!’’ 

 

*

 

The rain had thin out and the more they were driving, the more the clouds were evening out. It was the first time Baekhyun was seeing Chanyeol outside of school. Usually, they didn’t talk a lot. It was basic. Baekhyun had not dared to ask Chanyeol about his family or his tattoo. It was the time to do it.

 

’’What does your tattoo mean?’’

 

Chanyeol threw him a look, forearm in view. ’’You mean the black line? We get it usually around eighteen in my pack. It signifies our loyalty. It’s a pride too, you don’t get it if the members aren’t all agreeing to it.’’

 

’’Did you have to pass tests?’’

 

Chanyeol smirked. ’’Well, yeah.’’ He glanced at Baekhyun, losing his smugness to blush a little. ’’We had to survive in the woods alone for a week, but mostly be camp instructors for kids all summer.’’ 

 

Baekhyun couldn’t help himself to laugh. ’’Cheap labor, then. Were you paid?’’

 

Chanyeol made a face. ’’We’re a little community, so no, but at the same time, it wasn’t seen like a job really, more passing on what I had learned at their age. It’s things we do in our pack for so long, it’s natural. But how are you feeling? Better?’’

 

Baekhyun swallowed, eyes falling on his lap where he had his hands linked. ’’Yeah, thank you for bringing me out like this.’’

 

’’Hey, don’t look down,’’ Chanyeol warned gently. ’’You don’t have to say it like you’re burdening me. I like your company!’’ He chewed on his lower lip, frowning. ’’Sometimes, I wonder if you think of life and people too negatively, like we’re ready to hurt you or turn against you…And I want to say to that we aren’t going to.”

 

’’What are you talking about?’’ Baekhyun asked, tone blunt.

 

’’Sometimes, I wonder if you don’t worry too much about what others think of your pregnancy,” Chanyeol explained. “I want to say, no one at school can judge you about it. That I’d want to help you more, to make things easier for you.” Chanyeol tapped nervously on the steering wheel, pursuing his lips, before stopping the motion. “There’s nothing bad about you being pregnant, that’s what I want to say,” he concluded.

 

Baekhyun let go of the breath he held. Chanyeol didn’t know about his situation with his parents or of how he came to be pregnant, but he knew something about the shame he felt toward being it at his age and at school. He read it.

 

’’What did you read out of me?’’ Baekhyun asked, tone flat. 

 

’’Nothing that you weren’t screaming with your body language and facial expressions.” Chanyeol looked at him, frowning. “Hiding yourself, isolating yourself, not talking, and defending yourself.” He paused, changing line to accelerate. “I want you to meet my sister because I always look forward to see her theses days, she’s glowing, even when she’s tired.” He threw a smile at Baekhyun. “I told her about you ‘cause when I see her I think of you.”

 

Baekhyun felt himself flush head to toe. ’’Can you stop talking?’’ he begged. He wanted to bring his knees to his chest to hide, but the size of his belly was making it impossible. ’’I wasn’t supposed to fall pregnant,” he confessed. “My parents hate me for it, and I can’t let people know. It was my fault. I want to become a journalist, that’s why I’m at school, I don’t need friends.’’

 

The next thing he heard was Chanyeol sighing or sniffling. ’’I guess, we won’t agree on this for now. But I’ll hold my point, I see nothing’s wrong with you. I look forward meeting your baby, and I can be there for you, whenever you need it,” he affirmed. “If ever you feel hopeless, I know my community can help you.’’

 

Baekhyun was crying. Why was Chanyeol saying this to him? It was unbelievable, no one was this kind! It had to be a trick to deceive him. He was alone since so long and he made do with it.

 

’’Okay, okay. We’re here,’’ Chanyeol said, stopping the car. 

 

Baekhyun swept his tears, taking deep breaths to calm himself. Maybe a tiny part of him wanted to believe what Chanyeol had said. 

 

Chanyeol’s hands were tight around the steering wheel, slowly he let them fall. ’’We’re not obligate to go if you don’t feel like it anymore. I said a lot of things, sorry.’’

 

Baekhyun shook his head. ’’No, no, I want to see your sister, and I want to be happy too.’’ He lifted his head meeting Chanyeol’s eyes, and said, ’’Let’s go.’’ 

  
  


*

 

It was perfect. That’s all Baekhyun could see. Yura had a mate. They wanted a child. They were prepared, had the furniture, the diapers, the clothes, everything. Their house was well tidied, with a warm atmosphere. Yura was radiating positivity. She was shining as she sat in the living room, blessing them with her soothing presence, until she demanded to eat cucumbers, and Baekhyun had to swallow his discomfort. Because he could swear cucumbers had a smell, and he hated it. 

 

They had sat beside each other after the presentations. Yura was eager to talk with him, she casted those wide and sparkling eyes to him, as if he had the best stories to tell. No, he had no fun stories, only his sob story, well…

 

’’Chanyeol has talked to me about you. So young and pregnant!’’ she exclaimed herself. 

 

Baekhyun wanted to shrink on himself. If he had a mate, it wouldn’t be so shameful to be pregnant, but without one and so young indeed. He was ready to receive reprimands. 

 

’’He said you were really cute and asked me tips to talk with you,’’ she said with a big smile.

 

Baekhyun gaped at her, eye shifting quickly around the room, he didn’t find Chanyeol fortunately. He was surprised, heart thumping loudly in his chest. 

 

Yura clapped in her hands with mirth. 

 

’’But, I hadn’t foreseen you coming visit tonight, however I’m super happy you’re here.’’

 

Baekhyun’s stress lowered hearing this, so he wasn’t imposing on her. 

 

’’If you’d agree, I would like to talk about our littles ones coming soon. I don’t have any friends pregnant at the same time as me. It’s quite lonely.’’

 

He nodded to her request. Realising, maybe, it wasn’t all picture perfect if Yura could feel as lonely as him. 

 

’’We’re waiting until the birth to know the gender. Sometimes its gets difficult to hold back, but I want to be surprised!’’ 

 

’’Yeah, I’m also waiting until the birth…’’ Baekhyun felt troubled. Just thinking of the birth was making him anxious. He didn’t bother too much about gender. Rarely did he sat down and thought about how it would be once the baby would be there. He was too preoccupied to hide it, and studying any chance he could. 

 

’’It’s coming so soon though, we’ll be blessed soon.’’ 

 

Baekhyun blinked, he had to say something, had to change the subject. He was getting uncomfortable, with how he seemed to be the contrary of Yura. He eyed her big belly, unconsciously putting his hands on his own. 

 

Yura turned to him, frowning. ’’Do you have all the stuff for once the baby is there?’’

 

He shrinked on himself. He shook his head, not daring to see her expression.

 

He waited anxiously her reaction.

 

’’Well, when are you due, Baekhyun?’’

 

He shrugged, ’’I think, in March,’’ he whispered.

 

He heard shifting from her side, her hand appearing on his shoulder. He shyly looked to her. The concern in her face blatant. 

 

’’Tell me, is there someone accompanying you in your pregnancy?’’

 

’’What do you mean?’’ he asked, getting worried.

 

’’Your family, or friends, a doctor or a social worker?’’ As she asked, Baekhyun obstinately kept his eyes lowered.

 

’’You can’t go on like this Baekhyun―

 

He cutted her, suddenly angry. ’’Yes, I can! I’ve brought this on myself, I can take care of myself.’’

 

’’Aren’t you the same age as Chanyeol, nineteen?’’ She sounded urgent.

 

Baekhyun stood up, but then stayed immobil, he didn’t know what answer Yura wanted. She smiled, one of her lip  twitching. ’’Anyway, it’s all going to be alright,’’ she soothed him.

 

Baekhyun sat back on the couch, sinking in the cushion. 

 

’’I’d go see the doctor, though, just one time at least, to see if everything is at it should,’’ she recommended.

 

’’I went,’’ he revealed. ’’Nothing out of norms.’’

 

’’How many times?’’

 

’’Just one.’’ He knew answering, that Yura would worry. He was overwhelmed that someone cared about it.

 

’’Well, it’s still good, okay. You’re making me worry Baekhyun. For your next appointment I’ll ask Chanyeol to accompany you.’’

 

’’No!’’ he exclaimed. ’’I don’t want to bother him.’’

 

’’What are you saying, it won’t bother him. He’ll be happy to do so. Oh my, Baekhyun…’’

 

Baekhyun looked up, paying attention to Yura, she was blushing. Oh no, Baekhyun didn’t want to make her cry.

 

He went to hug her, acting on his instinct. Yura encircled him the best she could. It was a bit difficult with their bellies. 

 

Chanyeol choose this moment to enter back the room, Yura’s mate in tow. 

 

They looked at each other. Had Chanyeol read everything? Baekhyun wondered, before saying to himself he should stop doubting the alpha. He separated from Yura, her mate sitting by her side.

 

Chanyeol proposed they go, and Baekhyun agreed with a little nod. 

 

Yura hugged him again at their depart, inviting him to come back as often he wanted. Baekhyun bit his lips not to stutter anything stupid, and nodded. 

 

*

 

Baekhyun cried in the car, after their visit to Yura’s home.  He swiped his tears and snot, rubbing his eyes. He wanted to hide his face. How much embarrassing could he get! He put his forehead against the car window, the coolness of the glass soothing his feverish face. 

 

Beside him, Chanyeol had put the key in the car, but didn’t turn the motor on. He was eyeing the omega, concern etched on his face.

 

’’What if I didn’t have the baby…’’ Baekhyun muttered in his beard, but still loud enough for the alpha to hear. Chanyeol let his head fall into the steering wheel forearms over it, a long sigh escaping his lips.

 

’’What if I returned home…’’ he continued to ponder.

 

’’You’re quite stubborn, huh?’’ Chanyeol said, with a tight smile.

 

Baekhyun pulled himself against the car door, hugging himself. 

 

’’Don’t,’’ Chanyeol let out, hands gripping the steering wheel. ’’Just don’t.’’

 

Baekhyun scowled, but quickly lost his front. What he had just said, went against all of what he had done till now. Keeping the baby, moving out, studying while pregnant. Guilt in a woosh engulfed him. Was there a real reason behind the don’ts, Chanyeol had uttered? But a part of Baekhyun had enough, too lazy to figure it out. He was tired of fighting alone and…

 

’’I have enough,’’ he pleaded. ’’I’m tired, I’m feeling like shit.’’ He wanted to curl and disappear from this world. ’’I’m sorry,’’ he murmured to his baby. ’’I’m sorry for what I’ve done. I didn’t even think of when you’ll be born, I have nothing to give you.’’ He tried to stop his tremors, body shaking. What if his mother was right?

 

He was engulfed in Chanyeol’s hug, his body covered by his. He ceased to breathe for a second, then let himself melt against his friend, his arms went to encircled his neck and Baekhyun lay his head on the crook of his neck and shoulder. He hung on Chanyeol, his warmth like a blanket, calming his nerves. 

 

Baekhyun didn’t want to let go once he understood how bad he had needed this human contact, or proximity. Chanyeol talked against his ear, a murmur piercing through his mind fog. 

 

“Where do you want to go?” He asked. “I can’t seem to say the right things to you,” he lamented.

 

Baekhyun rubbed his face on Chanyeol shoulder, getting drunk on his scent. He was seeking his alpha’s strength, what had once made him feel safe with Kris. Without questioning his actions, he had jumped a barrier between Chanyeol and him. 

 

“I want to go home,” he whispered, before a sob followed, because he didn’t have one anymore. 

 

When he thought he had hold reign of his feelings, he was back to crying again.

 

“I didn’t show you the village yet. My sister resides at the outskirts, you could sleep at my place,” Chanyeol proposed.

 

“Aren’t you living with your parents?” Baekhyun asked.

 

Chanyeol pressed against him. “Yes, but don’t worry about it. They won’t mind.”

 

Baekhyun nodded, carried by the flow. He didn’t really want to come back to his lonely room. In fact, hearing he would visit a family house was comforting. 

 

Slowly they let go of each other, and Chanyeol started the car. Baekhyun sat back properly, looking outside, trying to distinguish the nature in the dark. They passed by a road with streets lights. Baekhyun saw a few stores, one after the other, a supermarket, an hardware store, a restaurant, a drugstore, quickly, they went past them. He looked behind catching a last signboard, the convenience store still open. 

 

’’We’ve just seen the main street,’’ Chanyeol declared.

 

Baekhyun gasped, taken by surprise. It was really small. 

 

’’I can say we’re lucky, usually we don't need to go to the city for groceries.’’

 

Baekhyun nodded mechanically. They turned right, arrived at a bungalow, Chanyeol parking his car behind a pick up. 

 

There were no lights shining from the house, Chanyeol led him inside, and tried to kept quiet. Leaving his shoes at the entry, they made way to the kitchen for some water, and then to Chanyeol’s room.

 

Chanyeol told him to sit, finding him clothes to sleep in. Baekhyun eyed the room, carefully, taking in the pale green walls, and the beige drapes framing the window. There was a bicycle in a corner, a guitar in the other, clothes were hanging on the chair by the desk, papers scattered on its surface. Baekhyun’s eyes fell on a pair socks on the carpeted floor, pulling a face at it. He looked away, a book on politics on the nightstand next to a lamp with a patterned littles boats. Chanyeol put down clothes next to him.

 

’’Just try them on, I think it’ll fit,’’ Chanyeol said.

 

Baekhyun opened the T-shirt, spreading his arms to its length. He wondered how many x large it was, because it was huge.

 

’’Did you ever wear it?’’ he asked Chanyeol, wonder in his eyes.

 

Chanyeol passed an hand in his hair, ruffling the black strands. ’’In high school,’’ he began to tell, ’’I sprout out in second year, and was into baggy clothes.’’

 

Baekhyun blinked, on the verge of laughing. ’’That shirt has to reach to your knees!’’ he exclaimed. 

 

Chanyeol shrugged, biting his lips to keep his laugh. ’’Well, I still felt cool wearing it,’’ he confessed. 

 

Baekhyun laughed with a good heart, conceding to let it go. If he did not fit into this shirt, he would be thinking he was having twins. Without thinking much about it, he began to lift his own shirt, stopping when he felt Chanyeol’s eyes on him. His shirt fell back down, his arms going slacks to his sides. He frowned, not too sure what to make of it. 

 

Chanyeol shook his head, going on the other side of the bed to change. He shrugged off his T-shirt in one go, and slipped on a looser one. Baekhyun had followed him, catching sight of Chanyeol’s toned back. Baekhyun turned back to himself. He couldn’t see his private parts anymore, and one day, soon, he wouldn’t be able to see the tips of his feet. Thinking about it, he wriggled them. Oh, he wanted to remove his socks…

 

’’Do you want me to let you change alone?’’ 

 

Baekhyun went out of his daze, he shrugged, he didn’t mind Chanyeol’s presence. In fact, he didn’t want to be alone, at all costs. He just had been surprised. What Chanyeol had been thinking when he saw his big belly?  A weird feeling invaded his chest, it was warm and writhly. Baekhyun had to calm down.

 

’’Do I look like a whale?’’ Oups, not really what he had wanted to say…

 

The bed dipped in the alpha’s direction. ’’No,’’ came the immediate reply. ’’You look good.’’

 

Baekhyun quickly turned his head away. What? He looked good!?

 

’’I mean, you rock the pregnant look,’’ Chanyeol added.

 

Baekhyun cringed inside, it was borderline creepy… ’’I’m actually pregnant Chanyeol—

 

’’I’m sorry, I’m not funny,’’ the alpha amended.

 

Baekhyun scoffed, but smiled a little. ’’But be honest, what do you mean by I look good?

 

Chanyeol messed even more his hair. He moved his ass from the opposite side of the bed to its end, a bit closer to Baekhyun.

 

’’You’re cute,’’ he answered.

 

Baekhyun blushed, hands clutching the bed cover. What to reply? He was flattered, honestly, but had a hard time believing the compliment. 

 

’’Where am I cute?’’ he dared to ask.

 

Chanyeol’s eyebrows shot up, a light in his eyes. ’’Everywhere!’’ he said loudly. 

 

’’You didn’t even see everywhere!’’ Baekhyun said even louder.

 

Chanyeol eyed the door, oups parents, and finally took the last leap to sit next to him. He plunged in his eyes in Baekhyun ’s ones. ’’I just know,’’ he declared, his voice breaking in the middle.

 

Baekhyun broke in a laugh, tapping Chanyeol’s shoulder lightly. The alpha entire face was red, he was flustered. 

 

Daringly Baekhyun swiftly pulled off his shirt, but at the last second left covered his budding breasts. 

 

’’Am I sexy now?’’ he teased, laughing.

 

’’Terribly,’’ came Chanyeol’s reply.

 

Baekhyun felt hot, a jolt of arousal to his groin. He shrunk on himself. It was the first time in a long time, he felt like that, but he was pregnant. He avoided Chanyeol’s awaiting self. How could he feel anything for another alpha? Hadn’t he done enough with Kris?

 

’’You’re also terribly precious—

 

’’What!?’’ Baekhyun squeaked, eyes boggling him out.

 

’’Nothing…’’ Chanyeol whispered.

 

’’Nothing,’’ Baekhyun repeated to reassure himself. He felt relief. He had felt afraid of the situation, of what Chanyeol was implying with his words. Baekhyun didn’t want to figure out, didn’t want to tell himself he had that option suddenly.

 

He quickly threw out his shirt on the side, put the xxxl large on him. It was like he was in a nightgown, he thought giggling. Chanyeol chuckled with him, low in volume.  

 

’’Want to brush your teeth?’’ Chanyeol asked, standing up.

 

*

 

They were ready to sleep, finally tucked in Chanyeol twin sized bed. They hadn’t flirt since earlier. Baekhyun was even doubting it had been that. It couldn’t be, he wasn’t attractive to begin with. But it was still bugging him, a slight residue of excitement in his chest. He blinked, fidgeting on his side.  

 

’’Was that flirting, back then?’’ he asked to the dark, half hoping Chanyeol was asleep, but also proud of himself to have dared to ask.

 

Chanyeol laughed. ’’What if it was?’’ he retorted. 

 

Baekhyun clicked his tongue, wide awake. ’’Then how did you know you could flirt with me?’’

 

’’I began flirting with you a while ago—

 

’’No way!’’ Baekhyun interrupted, thunderstruck. Couldn’t be! With effort, he turned on his side facing Chanyeol. 

 

’’I think you’re a bit oblivious, but that’s cute too,’’ Chanyeol quipped.

 

’’Stop,’’ Baekhyun pleaded. ’’Answer my question,’’ he demanded.

 

Used to the dark, Baekhyun could see partially his face, Chanyeol raising his eyebrows. He leaned forward.

 

’’How I knew I could flirt with you?’’ he repeated, but let go of his cockiness. ’’I smelled it.’’

 

Baekhyun should be revolted at that answer. Because, he rejected anything that could mean people would know about him. Discover him, whatever that meant. But this statement stirred at his guts, at his instinct. He felt desired. He felt naked. 

 

Alpha could read you, feel your emotions better than betas, but they could smell as well. But even more than reading, smelling was linked to their primal nature, to identifying future mates, to know someone intimately. No one was going smelling another as greeting. No one was seen scrunching their nose at the passage of potential mates or friends. 

 

Chanyeol was from a pack, maybe it’s why he had dared to smell him.

 

’’You smell good,’’ Chanyeol told him.

 

Baekhyun felt the need to smell Chanyeol too. But what an impure thought that was. Chanyeol was someone good, and a friend.  With this guilt holding him, Baekhyun turned his back to Chanyeol.

 

’’Am I safe, sleeping next to you?’’ he let out as a last good night.

 

He heard, Chanyeol sighing.  ’’You’re safe at all times with me,’’ he affirmed. 

 

*

 

Baekhyun shot up in the dark, throat burning. He tensed, swallowing the bile down. Bunching up the cover, he leaned back against the wall breathing hard, tears forming at his eyes. He pushed the cover away, standing up, wobbling. Fumbling in the dark, he made it to the door, throwing a glance in Chanyeol direction, the alpha still asleep.

 

Remembering as he went to kitchen, Baekhyun opened the lights, eyes scrunching them close. He put his hands on the counter to steady himself and breathe. He had to drink. Searching through the cabinets, Baekhyun found a tall glass. He let a trickle of water run from the tap, letting his glass rest in the sink. A shiver ran through him, it still tasted sour in his mouth.

 

’’Chanyeol?’’

 

Baekhyun jumped, turning to where the voice was coming form. An alpha was standing there. Chanyeol’s mother, it was to presume. Baekhyun felt himself redden. What if he was thrown out? Chanyeol’s mother stood frowning, studying him. Baekhyun fidgeted on his spot.

 

’’You must be Baekhyun?’’ she asked. 

 

Baekhyun nodded.

 

’’Chanyeol did say he wanted to bring you around,’’ she told him with a smile. ’’Are you okay?’’

 

Baekhyun stared, not sure how to answer. He didn’t want to lie, but at the same time he wanted to stay pleasant. Even if Chanyeol said it was okay to be here, in front of his mother at two am, it didn’t feel so. 

 

’’What about an herbal tea?’’ she proposed. 

 

Baekhyun nodded again, taking a last gulp of water. ’’I put the glass in the sink?’’ he asked, worried.

 

’’Yes, don’t worry, Baekhyun.’’   
  


He let out a short breath, the voice of Chanyeol’s mother soothing him. He felt he didn’t have to stress. 

 

’’Let’s sit at the table until the water is ready.’’ She invited him to sit.

 

’’I’m Seungmi,’’ she presented herself. Baekhyun bowed his head. A little laugh escaped her mouth. ’’You’re welcome in my home, Baekhyun,’’ she assured him.

 

Baekhyun genuinely smiled, hoping it was true, maybe believing it was in seeing the warmth in the tired eyes of Chanyeol’s mother. 

 

’’This tea will help your heartburn,’’ Seungmi explained to him.

 

Baekhyun opened his mouth, but only in his mind did he blurted out. Chanyeol’s mother had read—

 

’’I’m listening Baekhyun.’’ She blinked slowly, seeming half asleep. ’’I’m listening to you.’’

 

He stared, speechless. It was just another way to say it. It felt foreign and a bit fake still, but he also recognized the sincerity in Seungmi. He didn’t contradict her, he didn’t say, that it was just a pretty way to say it.

 

Chanyeol’s mother stood up to pour him his tea. She put it before him, and a cup for herself as well. She hummed, smelling the tea close to her nose, Baekhyun eyeing her, and found it good to imitate her. 

 

’’You listen too, Baekhyun. You can, it’s about choosing to,’’ Seungmi said.

 

Baekhyun tensed. ’’Then I can say, I care.’’ A weighted feeling of revolt was suddenly overtaking him.  ’’He said— ’’ he coughed, ’’Chanyeol said, I read you because I care, but it’s all the same in the end.’’ He leaned his head to the right, elbows on the table, he was making a point. ’’I read you, I care for you, I listen to you...it’s the same excuse used to…’’ he trailed off, not daring to say the last words.

 

Seungmi was frowning. She looked worried. Baekhyun looked away. It was getting difficult to talk, and it had been too easy to open his mouth. It was his first meeting with Chanyeol’s mom, what was he doing?

 

’’You don’t believe it,’’ Chanyeol’s mother exposed. ’’That the care is the source of it all, of the listening, of the reading. Not believing we care about a young omega like you.’’

 

Baekhyun scrunched his eyes close, putting his hands back on his lap. ’’I just don’t need it. I don’t want to burden anyone in thinking of me. I’m…’’ A last time, he fought. ’’It’s excuses to shame me.’’ He had meant to say the truth, how he felt. But oddly, it was off a bit. Baekhyun felt like staggering, the heartburn second to his emotional state. 

 

’’Please, drink the tea, Baekhyun,’’ Seungmi asked him.

 

Baekhyun did. He was regretting what he had just said.

 

They stayed quiet, the warm tea soon all swallowed. He felt better, sluggish but less irritated. 

 

’’Let’s go back to sleep, hmm.’’ Baekhyun agreed. 

 

Chanyeol’s mom accompanied him to his room, putting a warm hand on his arm. Baekhyun took a long breath, enjoying the warmth of an alpha, and of a mother. 

 

’’Thank you for the tea, and listening.’’ He had decided to say. Seungmi smiled. ’’We’ll see each other tomorrow,’’ she told him as parting.

 

*

 

The morning after, they ate breakfast with Chanyeol’s parents. Baekhyun smiled, and talked animatelty. It was unexpected, he was feeling comfortable in this home he had just spent the night in.  

 

They departed for the city after eating. Packed their belongings and embarked in the car. The ride back was relaxed, neither talked much over the music coming from the radio. Baekhyun prefered not to think about the conversation they had had last night. He didn’t want to dwell on the fact, Chanyeol might like him, or hinted so. In a way Baekhyun didn’t want to push it, because what was there to love about him? What was desirable about his body, or about his situation?

 

They stopped by Yura’s home to say allo. Baekhyun took the opportunity to go to the toilet, being pregnant was inconvenient for that too. 

 

Chanyeol left Baekhyun at his room, as he had a class in the afternoon.

 

* 

 

Baekhyun entered his room, quite apprehensive of the state he had left it in. The bed was unmade, the photos still turned and the little window not allowing much light to enter. He steeled himself, he had to make a change to this gloomy atmosphere. He pulled up the cover, he puffed the pillow, he arranged his desk and considered the photos. He looked through them and finally let them flat on the side. Taking his cell phone in hand, he opened it on his conversation with Kyungsoo, and texted:

 

_ Tell me when you’re free, it’s been ages! _

 

That ought to be enough, Baekhyun hoped. There had been friendships he had had let go of, some he didn’t have control over the end, and this one that he wanted to keep. Keeping childhood friendship wasn’t so easy, even more when they didn’t go to the same school, and in fact, pretty much had different personalities and interests. But Baekhyun didn’t care about it as Kyungsoo had been the only one who had said to him, ’’okay, do you want to talk about it?’’and held back unwanted questions and advices on his pregnancy.

 

Surprisingly he received his friend’s answer quickly, reading it as he lay on the bed, star spreaded. 

 

_ Hey, sorry for not contacting you. Can it wait until the session is over? I’ll be back home then. _

 

Baekhyun frowned, but finally hurried to say yes, and felt quite relieved he still had friends. And the session was near its end, that was true.

 

Another bip made him look at his phone.

 

_ Monday, I’ll come get you in car, we could go to class together? _

 

He was taken aback, that was Chanyeol. Baekhyun hesitated, suddenly feeling hot. Did he want to spend more time with Chanyeol? Why was he proposing that to him? He didn’t want to be a bother.

 

He replied, one eye shut, tapping at arm length.

 

_ No, I’ll be alright _ . And he couldn’t help to add.  _ I don’t want to bother you. _

 

Chanyeol’s reply was instant.  _ When you say that, I want to do the contrary. What if I told you I offered the ride to spend more time with you? _

 

Baekhyun blushed to his ears. With a surge of adrenaline, he quickly texted.  _ Wow, sneaky… but okay, I’ll take advantage of you, in exchange.  _

 

Oh my, was it to much? Baekhyun bit his lip in worry. 

 

Chanyeol sent a winking face emoji. 

 

What was that!? Baekhyun threw his phone against his pillows. Okay, no need to get over hyped! Everything was alright...study, he had to study. 

 

Until something weird happened in his belly, a sort of fumbling inside. Baekhyun froze, was it what he thought it was? It was different than a stomach ache or heartburn. Nothing he had ever felt. He waited for it to happen again, jumping when it arrived.

 

A smile blossomed on his face, he muttered to his baby, patting his belly. Baekhyun felt ecstatic, at the same time he was feeling happy and nervous. This was a strange and awakening event. 

 

The time it lasted, Baekhyun stayed still. It didn’t hurt. When it paused, he texted everyone he could think of. He would have wanted to tell his parents, but revised himself. 

 

The first reply came from Irene.  _ Congrats!! it’s a good sign :)  _

 

Second was Kyungsoo, what a surprise answering two times in one day. Baekhyun stared at the thumbs up. That beta…

 

Now, Baekhyun was waiting from Chanyeol’s reply. He feigned getting up to study, but really, he wanted the alpha to say something sweet to him. 

 

_ Wow, uwu, how do you feel? _

 

Baekhyun smiled as he read. He thought of what to reply, responding honestly.   _ It’s something I never felt before. Kind of weird? But I think it’s really that, baby kicking.  _

Chanyeol’s reply appeared on his phone screen.  _ Awesome! Will you get an ultrasound as well? _

 

How could he get that? Baekhyun frowned, considering Yura’s past words coming to mind, he just wanted to check if everything was alright.  

 

_ Would you come with me to my rv with the doc?  _ It was such a risky text to send. Baekhyun heart seized at the fear of a negative answer. But he did want to see his little bit, for a moment, it came clear to him, his baby was alive . His baby was with him 24\7h. I love you, he whispered.

 

_ Sure, it’d be a pleasure :)  _

 

Baekhyun’s heart throbbed, and the baby somersaulted in his belly.  _ Alright, _ he texted,  _ I’ll tell you when it is,  _ and added a smiley for good measure.

 

*

 

To Baekhyun’s delight, he found a clinic for his appointment. Personally he wasn’t feeling ill or thought something was wrong. The kicking had surprised him, but again he had heard of it. He just wanted to be sure once and for all, and ready himself for the real deal, when the baby will be there. In a way, he thought seeing the ultrasound would kickstart him to prepare and plan for the baby. At the same time, just the mere thought of it was stressing him out. He hadn’t signed up for classes in the winter, and sometimes wondered how he would find the money, and considered finding a job. 

 

He went out of his building, waiting on the lawn for Chanyeol to arrive. He smiled, once he saw the olive sedan. Chanyeol stepped out of the car, and opened the passenger’s door for him. Baekhyun had gotten used to be in Chanyeol’s car and being driven to places. It was quite relaxing not to have to think about his bus stop, and directions. He wondered if he was being spoiled in that way, but he could use a break once in a while. It was getting a little bit harder to breathe and make physical efforts, people on the street would look at him and smile, ask questions about his pregnancy. Baekhyun would smile back and answer with one word, he wasn’t that comfortable with the questions or the sometimes want to touch his belly. He would step back and put his hand on it. 

 

Another change was how Chanyeol and him would touch each other, nothing big, an hand on the shoulder or arm, slightly holding hands or the shyly stares Baekhyun didn’t know what to do about, but were making his chest flutter. He let it happen every time it did. Would look at their hands for the minute they were intertwined, would consider if that hand could touch him somewhere else—

 

To what perverted thoughts he could have. 

 

*

 

They were going out the hospital, following the hallway to the entrance, when Baekhyun’s eye caught something odd. Someone tall a few meters from them. Slowly it turned from a stranger to someone Baekhyun once thought he knew pretty well. His ex, Kris. Baekhyun clenched his phone he had in his hand, and stopped moving in his surprise. 

 

As in a movie, their eyes met, in slow motion.

 

’’Baekhyun.’’   
  
Baekhyun didn’t respond. Chanyeol put his arm around his shoulders. 

 

’’Ah, you got someone new,’’ Kris said.

 

Baekhyun put his hands on his belly, he was never that round when Kris left him. Baekhyun didn’t love Kris anymore. Wasn’t even sure it had been love. But he had been ready to love Kris, because they were together in this and with their baby. Now it was his baby, and Baekhyun didn’t want to have anything to do with Kris. He was growing angry, he knew. Kris had abandoned his future child, and him too in the process. He couldn’t pardon that, not when now he wanted someone else in his life.

 

He blinked, ashamed of his thoughts, hating that idea, that sort of hope emerging the longer he was knowing Chanyeol.

 

Chanyeol eyed Baekhyun, frowning, but then decided to present himself to the other alpha.

 

’’I think Baekhyun’s got a type he likes,’’ Kris mocked, giving Chanyeol a knowing look. 

 

Baekhyun was still mute. 

 

’’We were going home—

 

’’How’s the baby doing, Baek?’’ Kris asked, interrupting Chanyeol. ’’I was sure you would crack under the pressure of your mother, mine’s been horrible too.’’

 

Baekhyun looked up, fire in his eyes. ’’I don’t think it concerns you. It’s not your baby,’’ he answered.

 

Kris raised his eyebrows. ’’Did I say it was? I was just curious, but I can’t cancel that it has my DNA.’’

 

Baekhyun was fulminating. Chanyeol pressed against him, patting his arm. ’’You’re making me so angry!’’ he half shouted, cracking. ’’I know deep down, you don’t want to take the responsibility! And that you feel guilty because, you know, you did wrong!’’ Baekhyun took a quick breath.  ’’If only you hadn’t promised that you would stay!’’

 

Kris stood, speechless. Regaining his spirits, he began to move away, passing a nervous hand through his hair.

 

’’Say you’re sorry!’’ Baekhyun shouted after him. ’’Say you’re sorry to have left me and our baby!’’ 

 

Kris turned to him, face pale. He stopped walking. ’’I’m sorry, Baekhyun. Sorry,’’ he repeated looking down to his feet. 

 

Baekhyun felt Chanyeol swiping the tears from his cheeks. His warmth enveloped Baekhyun, who sniffed and burrowed into Chanyeol’s embrace. He felt Chanyeol’s lips trail from the top of his head to his cheek, leaving a light kiss there. 

 

’’We can go get some of your stuff at your room and go to my place? Hum?’’ Chanyeol whispered to Baekhyun.

 

Baekhyun nodded, biting his lips to stop a cry.

 

*

 

It had been such a bummer to see Kris at the hospital, when he had had a good appointment with the doctor, the baby was healthy, himself was healthy and everything was going fine. Baekhyun stared at the photo he had taken of the ultrasound, tracing the form of his baby. That was inside him, he marveled about it. And as if to reminds Baekhyun of their presence, the baby moved. ’’Hello,’’ he murmured, ’’You’re waking up this late today, huh?’’

 

Baekhyun turned to look at Chanyeol. They smiled to each other. 

 

’’Did you think of a name?’’ Chanyeol asked. 

 

Baekhyun shook his head. ’’No, I’ll wait until the baby is born, for now it’s my little bit.’’

 

’’Well okay,’’ Chanyeol said, ’’I’ll introduce myself.’’

 

Baekhyun wide eyes, looked at Chanyeol. 

 

’’It’s the first time, I’m officially talking to you little bit, I’m Chanyeol, a friend,’’ he declared. ’’I’m looking forward meeting you.’’

 

Baekhyun blinked, giggling finally. It was so very sweet of Chanyeol, and he knew he meant it. 

 

’’Chanyeol, would you have stayed?’’ Baekhyun bit his tongue, after asking. Why was he asking that sort of thing!?

 

’’I would,’’ Chanyeol answered, earnestly. ’’I know I want kids in my life. And if it has to happen early in my life, I’m fine with it, if my partner is fine with it.’’ He threw a quick look to Baekhyun. ’’I guess, it’s also due to the environment I grew up in. I don’t think my parents would go against me, if I were categoric on my choice. In the end, the compromises to make for raising a kid, it’s me who would assume them, not my parents.’’

 

Baekhyun felt his heart beat rising, he patted his belly, fidgeting a bit to get comfortable in the seat. 

 

’’You know I’m with child,’’ he began to say. 

 

Chanyeol threw him a confused look, it was unmistakable after all. 

 

’’What I mean is I don’t come alone. I feel, you like me?--’’ his eyes fluttered to Chanyeol, who nodded. ’’And part of why I’m hesitant to really be something with you, is that I don't think it’s gonna be fun, or light, or can be short term. I feel I can’t ask of you all of that, but it is gonna be all of that, if you’re with me.’’ 

 

’’Alright,’’ Chanyeol acquiesced.  ’’That’s a lot to think of, but first do you like me, Baekhyun?’’ he asked.

 

Baekhyun huffed, rolling his eyes. ’’Of course! I wouldn’t have said all of this if not,’’ he said, a bit miffed.

 

’’Well, we never really talked about a us, or really flirted or went out for dates, after the conversation we had the first time you went to my home,’’ Chanyeol said. ’’So, I’m kind of taken by surprise, but positively, like I thought someday I would have the chance to come through to you, but okay if in fact, our feelings are mutuals.’’

 

’’Our feelings are mutuals,’’ Baekhyun repeated, flabbergasted. He laughed, not able to stop himself.

 

’’What?’’ Chanyeol asked, indigent. 

 

’’We’re something, I guess,’’ Baekhyun muttered, stunned. ’’This is not romantic at all,’’ Baekhyun exposed.

 

Chanyeol shrugged. ’’Does it have to? Maybe it’s not romantic, but clearly it’s thoughtful and sensible of the other, and….In fact, I really want to be with you Baekhyun, I want to invest myself into this, I want kids with you, I think, I love you, I’m pretty sure. But I don’t want to make you afraid or step back. But, I just kinda emptied my bag, ugh…’’

 

Baekhyun licked his lips. He felt butterflies in his stomach. He couldn’t believe it. ’’So not romantic…,’’ he deadpanned, but quickly fell in a laugh. ’’I don’t want romantic anyway, yes, thinking about it,’’ he rumbled, ’’It’s okay, real feelings, dedication, being down to earth. I don’t need romantic, I need you.’’ Baekhyun clapped his hand on his mouth as soon as the words left his mouth. 

 

Mirroring him, Chanyeol threw him a look, mouth gaping. ’’This is the most romantic, cheesy thing someone said to me,’’ he said.

 

’’My, what does this mean? Are we together now?’’ Baekhyun asked, wide eyed.

 

’’I think so, Baekhyun. Like do you want to be my mate?’’ Chanyeol asked, a smile at the corner of his lips.

 

Baekhyun interiorly screamed, and gagged. ’’Okay, yes. But in the sense we like each other and will stick with each other.’’

 

Chanyeol turned to him, chuckling. ’’We have mutual feelings, Baek.’’

 

’’Che, are we really together now? Like, that’s how it’s done?’’ Baekhyun asked, still dumbfounded.

 

Chanyeol stopped the car on the sideroad. ’’What are you doing?’’ Baekhyun asked.

 

Chanyeol turned to him. ’’My, I can’t believe that we’re both in communications related majors and we’re that struggling on expressing ourselves. So let’s resort to something else. Let’s seal this with a kiss.’’

 

Baekhyun stared at him, interlocked. 

 

’’We’ve never kissed, and we just learned we mutually like each other, but are already swearing we’re going to raise children together and stick to each other through hard times. I mean we’re more than serious, but can’t get around you heads that we’re together now. Like are we normal? is it how it’s done? So I’ll tell you, willingly kissing each other, is pretty much proof we like each other as more than friends, in the physical world.’’

 

’’Yes, let’s kiss.’’ Baekhyun was feeling light hearted and giddy. 

 

They detached their seatbelt, and leaned toward each other. Touching Chanyeol’s arm, Baekhyun felt electric shocks passing through his fingertips. Even his lips were trembling, and he wondered if they were ready for that. But then he closed his eyes,  leaning forward — colliding, teeth against teeth. 

 

’’I guess we’re not talented in this,’’ Baekhyun muttered, laughing hysterically, losing his jittery nerves. 

 

’’What do you mean?’’ Chanyeol asked, between laughs. ’’We just need practice.’’

 

Baekhyun rolled his eyes, that was cheesy too, but amiably, grabbed Chanyeol shoulder,  and went back to kissing the lights out of him.

 

*

 

After much reflexion, Baekhyun decided to call his mother, once his exams were over. He had studied in an organized manner. A certain fear in his veins as it was his first session in University. Having good grades would show how he had worked hard on learning. It wasn’t much when considering, a session was three months, but Baekhyun considered it like a milestone toward his dream. In the winter, he would concentrate on his baby, and then, it was uncertain if he would take summer classes, or find a job. 

 

Now, he would be waiting for his results, but the stress of the exams had passed. 

 

More and more he was spending time with Chanyeol, going to his house, or lazing in his room. Baekhyun was thinking of moving out, he was getting sick of living in a basement. However now he had developed good relationships with his roommates. Since Jongin was Chanyeol’s friend, they spent more time together, and Baekhyun got used to him. Jongin wasn’t always reading others, most of the time he was trying to reign his power and it resulted of him not talking much. But once shedded his restraint, he was a bit silly and laughed easily. Junmyeon, the roommate from the first room at the entrance, joined them at suppers in the common kitchen. Junmyeon was straight laced for the most part, but Baekhyun found he pulled out the most funny faces, without meaning to. 

 

Baekhyun sat on his bed, back against the wall. He took his phone scrolling to his mother’s contact info. It had been weeks since they had talked, and he had ignored her private messages on his social medias. She was as venomous in text as by voice. But Baekhyun had decided, he wanted to try once more to get his mother to understand him, or he would cut all contacts. It was heavy on his mind, their conflict. He knew, she wasn’t happy about him, and that wasn’t going to change until he decided to do as she wanted, but he wouldn’t ever do so, so where that left them at…

 

As the call went through, Baekhyun reminded himself of what he wanted to say, what he would say this time.

 

’’...’’

 

Silent treatment, Baekhyun frowned, who would last the longer at that game? but he was not here to play.

 

’’Mother—

 

’’Mother!? Since when do you call me this way? I’m your mom Baekhyun. How dare you, not calling me for months!?’’

 

Baekhyun decided to be honest, to stick with his plan.

 

’’I couldn’t talk to you properly. That’s why I’m calling today, to set things right.’’

 

It was silent at the other end of the line. ’’So you’re going to tell me you’re giving the baby for adoption?’’

 

He took a big breath, pacing himself. ’’No, I want you to stop questioning me about the baby. I want you to understand I’m keeping it no matter what…’’

 

’’You want me to let you do as you want, but you don’t realise what’s at steak Baekhyun.’’

 

Baekhyun let out a sigh, already he wanted to swerve from the plan he had made. Right now, he wanted his mother on his side. He wanted to talk about Chanyeol, reassure her by saying he wasn’t alone anymore. But, what a slight it would be that his mother would agree with him, only because there was a mate in the picture, and not because she was trusting his abilities as a sole parent. 

 

’’It’s been four months since I left home, and you didn’t come to see me for all that time. But, I’m healthy, I’ve done my exams, and I’m sure I’m passing. I’m living on my own, everything without your support, or dad’s, so you can’t tell me I’m not ready to care for my baby,’’ he said, adamant.

 

’’You’re really pushing me to my limits, Baekhyun. You know what you have to do. If you don’t, you also know what that means,’’ his mother warned him.

 

’’What does it mean?’’ Baekhyun was confused. What was that about?

 

’’I don’t want a son, who’s slutty and got himself pregnant without a care in the world. You know, I won’t take you back home, until you’ve done your part Baekhyun,’’ she exposed once again, void of emotion.

 

’’What if you don’t ever hear from me?’’ Baekhyun threatened, shocked by his mother’s words.

 

’’It’s your decision. Your fault, baby.’’   
  


He could imagine her, clutching the phone to her ear, leaning against the wall, as she looked at her nails. He wanted to bite back. Tell her, how he had done well for himself. He wanted her to congratulate him on having done his first university session, he wanted her to take interest in his personal life, on his hard times. Bitterly, he realised, it wouldn’t happen, not like he wished anyway. So Baekhyun in his anger decided to hurt her. 

 

’’You’re a bad mother,’’ he accused her of. ’’The worst. You have what you deserve! You’ll never hear from me. You don’t count in my life anymore!’’ he shouted to his mother.

 

He cut the line. It was over. He had burned bridges.

 

He blocked her on his social medias. He erased her contact info. 

 

He felt empty. 

 

*

 

For the christmas season, Baekhyun relocated to Chanyeol’s parents house. It was lively and busy. Yura had just gave birth and was spending the week at her parents. It was quite cramped, but everyone had their room, so it was alright still, and then it was distracting Baekhyun from thinking about his mother. He felt lucky, he was accepted so readily into Chanyeol’s family. Baekhyun was coming to terms with being relaxed around them, and considering them his new family. He felt it was too quick, but at the same time, wasn’t he making it a big thing for nothing? What was he afraid of? They were nothing like his parents.

 

He also had met with Kyungsoo and had been quite surprised of the news his friend had to tell him. He had decided to forego university and go to hairdressing school. It was a big change from the biophysics program he had began in autumn. Kyungsoo realised it wasn't for him, that universe and people in it wasn't his type. With time he got more and more interested in hair and colors, and everything that was far from science. It wasn't so much that he had forget the reason he had chosen this program, more so he had fell in love with another career path. Once he had been sure of himself, he had told his parents and went back home. Baekhyun had stared at him a long minute, processing and disengaging his first reaction of  ’what did you do!?’ It wasn't his call, hairdressing wasn't a bad thing to do, just clashing with the image he had of his friend. But people did change, when it had been so long since you last saw them.

 

Everyday, Baekhyun got to observe Yura and his mate with their baby attentively, thinking in a few months that would be him and Chanyeol. 

 

He learned to hold the baby safely, and saw the breastfeed, the routine of caring for a newborn. Seeing it once before it was his turn, Baekhyun felt reassured he could do it too. 

 

Before sleeping, was the time Chanyeol and him could talk only the two of them. Baekhyun especially liked that moment of his day. They would cuddle on the bed, and talk. These days it was serious talk too.

 

’’I was thinking about renting an apartment together, do you think that would be possible?’’ Chanyeol asked him, one evening.

 

Truthfully, Baekhyun had thought about it too. He nodded, giving his mate a smile. Chanyeol rolled on the bed back and forth, happy. Baekhyun laughed at him, but stopped once Chanyeol was flush against him, and they kissed.

 

On that particular matter, of being intimate, Baekhyun had to come to term with his desire. It was there, despite being pregnant, and he had discussed it with Chanyeol. The two of them wanted to be together intimately. Many times, they wanted to go further than kissing. After researching and being assured there was no reason not to act on their desires, it had been proven more difficult to find the right timing.

 

Baekhyun wasn’t comfortable doing it with Chanyeol’s family around, and then there was Jongin and his superpower of reading. Just thinking about it, Baekhyun was shy. Even if it was just a naturel need, he wanted the perfect circumstances. Maybe one day that would change, but not for his first time with Chanyeol.. 

 

So in the end, they did came to make love, in his room, Jongin’s out for the night. Baekhyun remembered well, how different emotions were playing in his mind, that night. How Chanyeol had been so careful, and how everything had been slow. The words they exchanged then, marking a corner stone in their relationship.

 

_ Chanyeol had lightly kissed his belly, praising Baekhyun at every strokes. Baekhyun couldn’t move that much, if he didn’t want to breath very loudly, so he lay on pillows and held Chanyeol’s hand tightly.  _

 

_ His legs were spread on the bed, Chanyeol bending them to make space for him in the middle. Baekhyun closed his eyes at the sensations, Chanyeol licking and sucking him dry.  _

 

_ Chanyeol was tender with his stiff legs, massaging his bloated feet, because gosh Baekhyun was feeling like a balloon the more time passed. And when finally, he was stretched enough, pliant as a cooked noodle, Chanyeol positioned himself at his rear. _

 

_ Baekhyun’s eyes rolled back, gasping. He tensed, Chanyeol immobilising himself short.  _

 

_ ’’Are you okay?’’ Chanyeol asked, well-meaningly.  _

 

_ Baekhyun could only hummed, he felt full. And thinking of why, was making him red, head to toe. He relaxed, breathing slowing. Chanyeol canted his hips, groaning Baekhyun’s name. _

 

_ Like the ocean going from low to high tide, pleasure amounted in Baekhyun. Landing back on the ground, with a feeling of warm sand under his palms, he opened his eyes back in his room. He turned his face toward Chanyeol, meeting his lips, the alpha laying next to him, bodies spent. _

 

_ ’’I love you,’’ Baekhyun confessed, feeling on a cloud and sated. _

 

_ It was about feelings, this time. His first time, had been more about sensations, and becoming adult in a way. Baekhyun didn’t want to say he was regretting it, as it made him pregnant. _

 

_ At some point since they got together, Baekhyun thought about Chanyeol being the father of his baby. For so long he had been set on being alone and then it was his baby, and his alone. With such a view, it was difficult to consider Chanyeol becoming the father. And what if Chanyeol wanted nothing to do with his and Kris’ child? Baekhyun didn’t care about blood ties, but Chanyeol was an alpha of a pack, came from a place of traditions and ancient history. It was a huge part of his identity and was his plan for the future as a representative of his community. He knew the current Member of his county, and was planning to work under her.  _

 

_ ’’I love you too, Baekhyun,’’ Chanyeol said, eyes boring into his. He put his hand on Baekhyun’s hip, against the start of the swelling of his belly. ’’I love you too,’’ he said lightly kissing Baekhyun’s belly.  _

 

_ Baekhyun broke into a sob, suddenly, chest tight.  _

 

_ Chanyeol cupped his face with his hands, putting his forehead against Baekhyun’s own. _

 

_ Baekhyun swallowed back tears, blinking them away.  ’’You listened,’’ he stuttered, lips wet.  _

 

_ Chanyeol smiled, a sad tint to it, the red eyes didn’t help. ’’Loving you is loving your baby, Baek. If you grant me to be by your side, be part of your family, I want to step up to take that place. Hold your hand when the baby comes to this world, be their other parent because I wish to,’’ Chanyeol declared. _

 

_ Baekhyun closed his eyes, frantic thoughts engulfing him. Chanyeol was offering his life. Baekhyun wondered if he was ready to accept someone help to him, someone’s input, someone’s weight to consider in his decisions. It seemed immense to him, in that moment, taking the decision of if Chanyeol could be a major person in his baby’s life. He loved Chanyeol, but he couldn’t help to doubt. _

 

_ ’’If you’re with me it’s okay,’’ Baekhyun revealed. ’’But, please, let’s not make promises.’’ _

 

_ Chanyeol’s smile disappeared, he gathered his breath. ’’But I want to,’’ he objected. ’’I want to show you promises can be kept, and then cherished.’’ _

 

_ Moving forward with doubts and fears, keeping a sliver of hope on his chest, Baekhyun wanted to believe Chanyeol’s promise. He wanted to believe love was possible for him, good persons were attracted to him, that he wasn’t a slutty son and a bad omega. _

 

_ ’’I’ll give you my trust Chanyeol,’’ Baekhyun declared. ’’Don’t break it,’’ he half joked. He turned, laying on his back. ’’It’s hard to explain, but I want to love in the optic of it being for forever. I never said it before, but that’s how it is.’’ Baekhyun shivered, worried of being shunned in one of his most fragile moment.. _

 

_ ’’Okay, Baekhyun,’’ Chanyeol agreed. ’’I want you to be my forever, so let’s continue like this, being honest like this, I think we’ll be able to pull through.’’ _

 

_ Baekhyun exhaled, slow and deep. He let go of Chanyeol’s hand and sat up, grabbed his shirt, putting it on. He stood up with effort, going to retrieve a new pair of briefs.  _

 

_ ’’Don’t you want to shower?’’ Chanyeol asked. _

 

_ ’’I honestly, dislike this place’s bathroom,’’ Baekhyun whined. ’’There’s still people living here that I don’t know the face.’’ He pouted, pulling up his briefs. ’’Can I pee, and we go back to your place?’’  _

 

_ Chanyeol laughed in his face, but agreed. _

 

*

 

Baekhyun was ready to deliver, physically and mentally it was time. it was the end of the marathon and he was glad.

 

Chanyeol and him had moved to an apartment in Chanyeol county, it was cheaper than in the city, and near Chanyeol’s family, which was a plus for support when the child would be there.

 

Jongin and Junmyeon had help move his things in the truck they had rent, Irene coming along. Since stopping university, Baekhyun didn’t see her as much, which was a pity. 

 

His days were filled with preparing the baby’s arrival and getting used to the flat. Bit by bit he was making it their home. He spent time with Yura and her baby, Seyoon. He met her plethora of friends, some from the next city, where they met in high school, others from the professional school where Yura graduated in nursing, neighbors, extended family, all making time to see the newborn and congratulate Yura. Baekhyun was quite glad, he wouldn't have all that attention on him. Still, it was making his day interesting talking to all these persons so enthusiastic about his pregnancy. 

  
  


Chanyeol was busy with school, and even if he dropped one class to free up time, he got hired doing secretarial work at the community center. They had argued about it, Chanyeol saying it could help for their future and Baekhyun obliged to say it was true. Both of them were provident on that aspect, careful about their finances and open about it. With Chanyeol so involved in his community, Baekhyun interested himself in their history and issues. They didn’t represent a lot of the population, a small percentage only. It came about assimilation versus integration. With a will to keep old ways of living, and the difficulty to accept cultural differences in one same population. 

 

It didn’t get much press, but recently accidents happened, the ripping off of their community tattoo. People getting knifed and left beaten on the road. In a act of solidarity and riposte, a few alphas had decided to scarred themselves another band alongside their inked one. One didn’t have their identity ripped off if their tattoo was, that was ignorance. 

 

Chanyeol was one of those who decided to protest, and it would be covered by the local news. Baekhyun wanted to be there in support. He was angry at the people who had perpetrated the gratuitous acts. If Baekhyun could do something to make others aware of the problematic he would, he would write about it.

 

*

 

Baekhyun threw discreet looks at the neighboring buildings, this was his old street. He came to get his hair cut by Kyungsoo. Chanyeol had drove him his friend’s house since he had classes that day. Passing before his old apartment building, he pointed to Chanyeol his floor, finger trembling, he didn’t want someone to see them.. 

 

He was a bit anxious coming here. Seeing a scenery that had been his playground, that he had walked countless time the entire length, to the grocery store to the gas station. Now, it was all grey memory along the snow that had covered the ground. 

 

He kissed Chanyeol goodbye, and pushed the button to call Kyungsoo's apartment.

 

*

 

Kyungsoo was cutting his hair, strands falling on the wood floor. Baekhyun was looking at him work, concentrated and precise. Was that the look of someone who loved what he did? Baekhyun considered his old friend, still taking him in.

 

’’How did you decided to leave your university program? How were you able to leave?’’ Baekhyun asked, not able to keep it in any longer, this wonder. He wanted Kyungsoo's input to maybe find why he too, had changed his destiny.

 

’’Once I knew that was what I wanted do, I stopped thinking. I stopped thinking because I had reached the bottom of my doubts, at the answer had appeared. After that, I had to act on it, not looking back and following my instinct.’’ Kyungsoo found Baekhyun's eyes in the mirror. ’’You did too Baek, you followed your own way.’’

 

Baekhyun thought of Kyungsoo's words, mulling it inside. He did do as he wanted, choosing his way, but in a sense he had felt there was nothing else he could have done, as if contrived to do so because of his pregnancy. But he had listened to himself…he had been contrived by his own self then! Baekhyun tensed, hands gripping the chair. It was his choice, made based on his values, what his mind had told him it was to do. Why feel ashamed everytime he thought about it? Why not be proud? 

 

’’I think now, I have to assume my choice,’’ Baekhyun muttered. ’’ And I give myself more credit for what I do.˝

 

Kyungsoo continued to cut his hair, just nodding at what Baekhyun had said.

 

’’I heard by my dad that your mom went to look for you at your last place,’’ Kyungsoo revealed.

 

Baekhyun froze, forgetting everything, being seized by dread. Like his mother would appear at this moment, open the door of Kyungsoo's room and drag him to someplace and take his baby from him. Frantically he looked around. But the snow was still falling paisibly from the window, Kyungsoo looking at him with his natural wide eyes.. 

 

’’She doesn't know I'm here right?’’ Baekhyun asked, trembling.

 

’’No she doesn't,’’ Kyungsoo assured him. ’’But what do I not know, now?’’

 

Baekhyun didn't answer. He hallucinated his mother coming  like a whirlwind, to wreck the new life he had built in the small amount of time he had had. He jumped, body in pain. What was happening? He held his belly, reality hitting him full force. He was having contractions.

 

’’Kyungsoo? Is it nearly done?’’ He asked urgently.

 

Kyungsoo frowned, put down his scissors, and asked why.

 

’’The baby is coming now,’’ Baekhyun cried out. He had to call Chanyeol, they had to get back home.

 

*

 

Sarang was born a healthy baby of 8lb.

 

Baekhyun took him in his arms, afraid to drop him. He stared at his little face, only knowing he would love him forever. Giving the baby for Chanyeol to hold, they shared a look, the same emotion dancing in their eyes. Chanyeol had a blissed smile on his face, Baekhyun heaved a sigh of relief, taking it as a sign everything would go well. 

 

He was looking forward to his future with them. In a moment of clearness, he felt blessed by life. 

  
  
  



End file.
